can you feel my heart?
by Otaku1232123
Summary: Ciel describes some school life as an outcast with only music. Seb Is the dad, only mentioned once. Rated T for mentions of cutting and minor language. enjoy my first update in over 135 days.


My odd fic. Its Ciel. And the dad is Seb. I wrote this because I am board and I have my laptop back so I can update! Anyway, hear you go. enjoy i guess.

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"Can you hear the silence?  
Can you see the dark?  
Can you fix the broken?  
Can you feel? Can you feel my heart?!"

My music blared through my head as i slowly walked down the halls to my next class. The thing is... im alone. No slamming lockers, no names, no faces, nothing but blurs moving by me in fast pace while i walk slow motion. This is how I like it. No one to disturb me, until... I walk into Global. I pull my buds out and turn my music off. Slowly, I sit in my worst class, between the worst possible people. The 'populars'. The kids who drive at 14. the kids who smoke. The kids who play sports. The kids that I despise.

I listen to my teacher go on and on and on about religions. Who cares. I'm atheist. None of this will help me. I dont understand it at all. Thats why I'm failing the class with a capital F. If it was up to me, I'd be sitting in my room, lights off, door locked with my music flowing through my veins. Oh how I crave Kellin Quinn's voice. How I crave Pierce the Veil. How I crave Crown The Empire. And how I crave Bring me the Horizon.

My teacher hands me my test. Before I flip it over I already know its covered in the blood red marker. I flip it and the first thing I see is a big fat 54%. Knew it. But what I saw next made me smirk behind my bangs. My favorite lyrics from 'Hell Above' were scribbled all over my paper where the foreign language of history wern't. I always love reading her comments by my lyrics. This time I had written.

'I never met a girl who never looked so alone. Like sugar water in your mouth, lukewarm. She tied a cherry stem for me with her tongue. we fell in love and now were both alone. Cause I dont need any more friends and another kiss like a fire on pavement. We'll burn it down till the end. This is a wasteland, my only retreat. With heaven above you theirs hell over me. The water is rusted, the air is unclean and there for a second i feel free'

That filled my left margen on my paper and on the top her comment showed bright. I chuckled at the words. 'You need to start working harder. I'm disipointed in your work this time. You cant keep writing those lyrics on your paper or i'll have to turn it into the office'

My paper was covered in more of her comments but I just stuffed it away and pulled out my notebook. I opened to the first page and already heard the whisperes. 'Freak' 'loser' 'stupid' 'idiot' The words rang in my head as I drew. Im used to it.

By the time the class ends my ear buds were back in with my music on low. i walk to my next class and keep it in. I continue my day in slow motion as everyone is fast. By my last class in ready to punch someone, like most days. As I walk out into the hall for the end of the day im slammed into the wall. my papers spill over the floor and i pick them up, not bothering to look up at who hit me. Even with my ear buds in i know everyone is out of the secluded science wing. Tears stream my face as I gather my papers. Head down, i walked down the hall to my locker. 531. quickly turning the dial. 27-41-17. I pull the door open and grab my bag. I stuff the work i need into it and grabbed my large head set. I pull the buds out and put them in my locker and pull on my good ones. Turning my Ipod on as loud as I can I walk out of the school. I start the 10 minute walk to my house. Nothing but music around me.

Once I get home I rush to my room and lay on my bed, lights off, door locked. Just how I like it. I reach in my dressed and pull out my pocket knife. i stare at the blade in the low light of early winter that spilled through the small opening in my curtain. I flip it open and sit up. I pull up my black sleve and stare at the wheat feild on my arm. Tears fill my eyes as the blade creates a small stream of crimson. I smile happily as I do another. and another. and another. Oh how good it feels to watch my gross blood drip down my brist to my blood stained sheets. After I am satisfied with my work I wrap a bandage around it.

I lay down and sleep for hours. and hours. and hours. I wake up at 6 again. Dad didnt come home. Good.

Maybe one day... one day... My wish carved in my arm would come true.

To be loved.

By the one I love.

Can you hear the silence?  
Can you see the dark?  
Can you fix the broken?  
Can you feel my heart?


End file.
